In A Room
by Cloud-1-3-5 and Ame Emi Dai
Summary: Yugi, Yami, Ryou and Bakura are trapped in a room for the night... and Bakura ain't happy about it! Completed, non-yaoi
1. Locked up

Scene: Yami, Yugi, Ryou and Bakura are all trapped in a storeroom in the supermarket. Yami led them in there in his search for tinned Spam. The door swung shut and locked behind them, the store clerk locked up for the night, and now they're trapped.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"So, tell me Pharaoh..." Bakura began, sitting on a sack of potatoes. "Exactly how did we wind up here again?"  
"Oh shut it" Yami replied, sitting on a large wooden crate and sulking. "It's not like you knew where we were going either."  
"Yes, but at least I wouldn't have let the door swing shut behind us," Bakura snapped back.  
"Guys, please!" Yugi butted in. "It wasn't Yami's fault that we wound up in here - he didn't know that the store room had an external lock on the door! Besides, he was only looking to see -"   
"Oh be quiet, you pathetic excuse for an aibou."  
"What?!"  
"You heard me. Now how about you either sit down and shut up, or get us out of here?"  
Yugi made as if he was about to argue some more, but dropped it and sat on a bag of carrots, his chin in his hands and his elbows on his knees.  
Ryou squatted down next to his Yami. "Now really Bakura, there was no need for that. We should all at least try to be civil to eachother -" Bakura silenced Ryou with a glare. "Might I suggest you shut up too? Else I might be tempted to tell carrot-boy over there -" Bakura gestured to Yugi. "- exactly what's really going through your head right now."  
Ryou sighed. The disadvantage of having a Yami like Bakura, he decided, was that he really didn't care if he embarrassed his aibou or not. His legs began to ache, so he sat on the floor and leaned up against the wall.  
  
After about five minutes of looking at eachother had passed, Yugi gave in. He needed sound to keep his sanity. "So, hey guys, why don't we try to play a game to pass the time or something?" Yugi asked desperately, hating the silence. Yami nodded nonchalantly, and Ryou smiled at this idea. Bakura also grinned, but in a way that left Yugi feeling distinctly nervous. "Sure, can I suggest a game? It's called 'Throw potatoes at carrot-boy', and only one person can play at a time. I'll go first!" Bakura grabbed a potato from the sack. "Sure you wanna play a game, Yugi?"  
Yugi sweatdropped and held his hands up. "No, it's ok, it was just an idea."  
Bakura went to put the potato down, but suddenly pelted it at Ryou as hard as he could. "I heard that, and you'd be crabby too if you kept hearing those sick things!"  
Ryou rubbed his head and blushed. "S-sorry, Bakura. I'll try not to pass them over to you..."  
Bakura hopped off his sack and grabbed Ryou with one hand by the scruff of the neck. "No, you won't try to not send them... You WON'T! Period! Got that?" Ryou nodded his understanding, and Bakura let him go. "And why is the Pharaoh so quiet?" he asked, addressing Yami. "Has the Pharaoh got a great idea so we can escape? Or is he just reminding himself not to go near the broom cupboard when he gets home?"  
Yami scowled at Bakura. "You'd be smart to keep quiet, you know," he muttered, glaring.  
Bakura pretended to be surprised. "Oh? What was that? A threat?" Bakura turned away from Yami in disgust. "What're you gonna do, throw a cabbage at me? Or maybe hold me at carrot-point until I promise to be nice to everyone?"  
Yami said nothing, but simply gritted his teeth in fury. Yugi stood up and walked over to him, reaching up and putting an arm around his Yami's shoulder. "Look, just ignore him. I don't want to know what Ryou's thinking that makes him so crabby, but we'll get out of here tomorrow morning, and then we can just keep a distance from him for a while. Please?"  
Before Yami could reply, Bakura's voice chimed in. "Oh goodie, a whole night with the Pharaoh, carrot-boy and -" he flicked his eyes in Ryou's direction "- that sick freak's thoughts." Putting on the same voice as Pegasus used to describe Mr Funny Bunny to Kaiba, he added "I can hardly contain my excitement..."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Well, that's chapter one! This is my first humour story, so please review and lemme know what you think! Alternatively, you could read my other stories (Out in the Cold and In the Warmth are both very short and easy to follow, so there's no excuses there!) or... jus do whatever! ^_^ 


	2. Bakura Karaoke

An hour had passed since he'd been locked in the room, and Yugi noted that the atmosphere hadn't improved much at all. If anything, it could even be slightly worse. Bakura especially looked about ready to kill someone - though that admittedly wasn't much new.  
Yami was busy doing some maths in his head, muttering under his breath as he went along. In a bid to start up a conversation, Yugi asked what he was doing.  
"Well, I can safely say that we won't suffocate in here. I reckon this room to be about 7ft square, and given the height there's plenty of oxygen in here to see us through the night." There was a faint sarcastic 'Oh Joy!' from Bakura at this comment, which the others chose to tactfully ignore.  
  
Ryou sighed in frustration. He couldn't even pace the room like he normally did when he was worried, because there wasn't enough room to pace in. This left him with little to fidget about with other than to drum his fingers. That, however, was soon cut off by a stark mental message from Bakura. The toned-down equivalent of the message would have been "Stop that tapping, before I remove your hands from your wrists and stick them where the sun doesn't shine."  
"Look, guys," Ryou protested. "We can't just sit here in silence all night -"  
Bakura cut in sharply, a maniacal glint in his eye. "Oh yes we can. Believe me, we can." Bakura glared at Ryou, and sent a mental message over to him. "If I tell them what you're thinking, you'll wish we had."  
Ryou weighed this up, and shook his head. "You might make something up - Yami and Yugi wouldn't believe you." He turned so that Bakura was behind him, which he could feel infuriate him, and continued talking to Yami and Yugi.  
"If we just sit in silence, it'll make us all stressed out. We've got to do something!"  
  
Ryou gave a small cry of pain and surprise as a potato hit him in the back of the head. "So sorry," Bakura said. "I just wanted to make sure you didn't suggest that. After all..." He sidled up to Ryou, and glared into his eyes. "A suggestion like that wouldn't improve things at all, would it?"  
Ryou simply blushed, and fell silent.  
Yugi suddenly brightened up. "I know!" he said, with a big grin on his face. "Let's all sing together! We could make a proper contest out of it." Yami smiled and nodded at this idea, and Ryou visibly perked up. Even Bakura didn't say anything against it. If anything, he seemed to be contemplating it.  
  
"So who goes first?" Yami asked. Before anyone else could reply, Bakura held his hand up. "Mind if I have a go?"  
Everyone else in the room felt their jaws drop. "Well... yeah, sure," Yugi said, more than slightly confused by Bakura's sudden co-cooperativeness. Totally confuzzled, in fact.  
  
When everyone was seated comfortably, Bakura cleared his throat, and began to sing:  
  
"Oh, oh, oh, trapped in room!  
Who could think of a better way  
For a Yami to spend his day?  
Stuck in here with spiky freaks  
I want to smash their heads!  
And spend the evening pelting Ryou  
With those rotten eggs!  
Oh, oh, oh, trapped in a room!  
I wanna tear someone apart  
And drive a stake into their heart!  
Burn their trousers, snap their legs,  
And break their spine in two,  
You'd best be careful, it could be  
Any one of you!"  
  
Bakura sat down again with a smirk on his face. "You know what?" he said to Yugi, who had paled slightly. "I feel so much better now! You're right, a good song does cheer you up, doesn't it?" He slapped Yugi on the shoulder. "Go on then, oh mighty duelmaster, your turn!"  
When it became apparent that none of the others really felt like singing after all, Bakura smiled to himself. "So shall we amuse ourselves in silence for a while now then?"  
  
He suddenly spun round and grabbed a potato. "And Ryou, you're making me feel sick. You'd best stop that line of thought RIGHT THERE!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Thanks for reading! I didn't think that chapter was as good as the first personally, but they'll all get better from here on hopefully! So keep reading, and PLEASE review my other stories too! ^_^ 


	3. The joys of Spam

Yugi awoke with a jolt. Quite how he'd fallen asleep with Bakura's constant sniping was beyond him, but he had. As his vision unfuzzed and his brain woke up a few seconds behind him, he became aware of someone cackling maniacally.  
  
Yugi stood up, and felt his jaw drop at what he saw. Bakura was lying in the middle of the floor, rolling around and laughing. He was actually laughing!  
  
Yugi heard a loud voice from the corner, and saw a hunched-up Yami sat there, cursing in ancient Egyptian, wrestling with something in his hands.  
  
"PAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!" Bakura roared, wiping the tears off his cheeks. "Oh, this is p… p… priceless! Hahahahaha!" Yugi felt himself sweatdrop as Bakura continued laughing. "Oh… hahahahahaha! The mighty Pharaoh, ruler of a great nation… hahaha… defeated by a t-t-tin of s-s-s-s… HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!"  
  
Bakura was still rolling around, laughing so hard that he doubled up in pain. Yugi wandered over to Yami, wondering what on earth could tickle the evil Bakura like this.  
  
"…Yami?" Yugi asked hesitantly, unsure of what he should do. His only answer was a further string of Egyptian abuse, followed by a bellow of rage from Yami. Yugi peered round Yami, to see what was in his hand.  
  
Yami had found a tin of Spam, apparently while Yugi was asleep. Not wanting to disturb his aibou, he'd decided to open it himself. Inevitably, he'd run into trouble, as he always did with anything metallic and vaguely modern. (Yugi shuddered in horror as he remembered the incident with the microwave… three months on, and they were still finding bits of shrapnel in the bathroom floor. Not on, but IN.) Yugi decided to offer his assistance.  
  
"No! I WILL do this myself!" Yami bellowed, much to Bakura's amusement. "I am a mighty Pharaoh, I will NOT be humbled by a tin of food, no matter how delicious!" Ryou, who'd been hiding behind a box for the past half an hour, seriously questioned Yami's sanity at this comment. 'How on earth can anyone call Spam delicious?' he wondered. 'What on earth is Yugi feeding him?'  
  
Yugi reached out to grab the can again. "Really Yami, there's no shame in knowing when to admit defeat…" Yami pulled the can away from Yugi, and glared at him. "NO! I will do this myself! ME!"  
  
At this outburst, Bakura - who had managed to stifle his demented laughter into mere giggles - burst out laughing again, rolling around on the floor, nearly knocking Yugi's feet out from under him. "Oh, this is classic!" he gasped, eyes open wide as the delirious delight of laughing till it hurts hit him again. "Oh if only Malik was here… Your face, Yami, your fahahahahahaha!" Bakura curled up so tight he nearly turned into a little ball, gasping as each laugh brought a fresh rack of pain through him, and powerless to stop it. Even Ryou had begun to giggle slightly, Bakura's laughter becoming infectious, and he turned away so that Yugi couldn't see him.  
  
Yugi looked round, and found another tin. "Look Yami, I'll show you how to do it, then you can do yours yourself, yeah?" Yami paused for a moment, and nodded. "Anything to shut that rat-haired tomb-robber up," he muttered.  
  
However, it didn't quite work as Yami and Yugi had hoped. As Yugi slid the key in, Bakura - who had just about stood up and was watching - caught on to what was happening, and howled in sheer delight. "Oh, that's incredible! The almighty Pharaoh has to resort to getting carrot-boy to help with his meals! What next, lessons on how to use cutlery?" At this, Bakura began laughing again, so hard that he staggered away and fell over on top of Ryou. Ryou couldn't contain himself any longer, and he too began to howl with laughter. Both the Bakuras sat\laid in a heap on the floor, clutching onto eachother and laughing till their faces were shining with the tears and their ribs hurt so much they were sure they'd never be able to stand properly again.  
  
Yugi stood and stared at the pair for a moment. "So anyway…" he said, a pained tone to his voice, "Here's how you do it."  
  
Yugi slid the key in, made sure it had locked in place, and peeled the lid back, explaining each step carefully to Yami, making sure he followed it. Yami nodded, and slipped the key in. As he heard it click into place, he smiled. As the lid began peeling back, he positively beamed.  
  
"See Bakura? I can do it! In your face, Baka!" At this Bakura looked quite crestfallen, disappointed that his fun should be ruined. The room fell silent, save for the grating as of metal as Yami gently eased the lid off.  
  
"That's right Yami, well -" Yugi was cut off by a dull 'pang' that reverberated round the room. Yami held the tin - its lid only a quarter open - in one hand, and the bit of the key that HADN'T stayed attached to it in the other. "It… broke" Yami whispered, dismayed that his success be cut short so quickly. And, of course, that it should give Bakura more reason to -  
  
In his defence, Bakura did try not to laugh. He failed miserably, but even he briefly felt pity for Yami. Briefly.  
  
Ryou snorted as he tried not to laugh, and that was it. Bakura started giggling. Ryou started chuckling. Bakura started chuckling a bit louder. And before long, they were both in peals of laughter once more.  
  
"I'm so sorry Yami, really I am!" Ryou cried, wiping tears away from his cheek. "But, you've gotta admit, it is kinda… kin… ki… HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ryou couldn't help himself. He desperately wanted to stop, he felt so bad for laughing at his friend's misfortune, but he couldn't help himself. It didn't help that he could hear all of Bakura's mocking comments over their mind link either.  
  
Yami glowered at the tin, and Yugi put a hand on his shoulder. "Never mind, that happens to everyone, I must've done it about a hundred times." Yami stared at the tin, then looked mournfully at Yugi. "So how do you make the shame disappear?"  
  
Yugi contemplated this. "Well, to be honest…" he blushed slightly. "I used to just throw a sissy-fit and throw it at the wall. It made me feel so much better though!"  
  
Yami considered this. "Hmmmmm…" He looked over to Bakura.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, oh the Pharaoh got defeated by the tin, even when carrot-boy showed him how to do it! HAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Yami smiled to himself, and flashed his grin at Yugi. "You know… I think that just might work…" Lining up his shot, he threw the tin at Bakura as hard as he could. It hit him on the forehead with a satisfying 'clang', turns the tomb-robber's howl of laughter into a LOUD cry of pain.  
  
"OW!" Bakura rattled something off in Egyptian at Yami, rubbing his head. A small smile crossed Yami's lips. The smile grew into a grin. The grin into a beam. And before long, it was Yami's turn to laugh, so hard that he felt off the crate… inadvertently taking Yugi with him.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Oh, the joys of Spam... and vengeance! ^_^ Review please, and let me know if you think I'm slipping! 


	4. Sunrise

Well, thanx for the many reviews, oh adoring public! Unfortunately, this chapter was a bit rushed and will be short coz I've got very little time to write it... but try to enjoy anyway!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
If he weren't so bored, Yugi would have sighed.  
  
He'd counted the bricks. He'd counted the floor tiles. He'd made animals shadows with his fingers. He'd even counted the amount of carrots in the bag he was sat on… or had tried to, until Bakura started his 'carrot-boy' comments again.  
  
After a while, Ryou piped up. "So how long have we been in here anyway? Surely it'll be approaching morning by now?"  
  
Bakura fired a glare at his hikari. "Well gee, let me see… I know, I'll just chew a hole in the wall so we can watch the sunrise and hold hands, how's that sound?" He kicked at a nearby box of Spam tins, causing Yami to growl in annoyance. "Here's an even better idea! Next time the Pharaoh wants his Spam, we all sit at home and watch TV while he goes off alone." He flashed an evil grin at Ryou, and added, "I'm sure YOU'D like that, eh?"  
Bakura's eyes suddenly flashed wide open, and he turned away from Ryou. "Ok, that was one too many… I think I'm gonna be sick…"  
  
Ryou blushed at this, and a look of confusion fell over Yugi's face. Yami, on the other hand, looked absolutely delighted that his nemesis should suddenly feel so bad. He hopped off his crate and began poking a rather green Bakura in the ribs. "What the matter, Kury?" he taunted, a huge grin across his face. "Did your little aibou upset you? What's the matter, was he thinking about soap? Or maybe - dare I say it? - about teaching you how to wash your own clothes?" Yami tactfully chose to ignore the fact that Yugi washed his anyway.  
  
Bakura's green face started turning red with fury, and he spun to face Yami. "You've got NO IDEA what he keeps thinking, have you? Right, try this for size!" He leaned over and whispered in Yami's ear, and the grin on Yami's face fell. You could pinpoint the exact second it hit the floor.  
  
Yami blinked a couple of times, and staggered back over to his crate, very silent. Bakura glared at his retreating figure. "Perhaps NOW you understand why I'm so crabby! YOU don't see the images!"  
  
Ryou screwed his eyes up in embarrassment, and slipped off to the darkest corner of the room. Yugi, in the meantime, had a mind-link conversation with Yami.  
  
'What on earth was that all about?'  
'Believe me aibou, you'd rather not know. Especially now.'  
'But surely it can't be -'  
'It can. Believe me, it can.'  
  
All of a sudden, Yugi wished he'd just sighed.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Well, what did you think? I'm not so sure I liked this chapter, it seemed too... serious. I might delete it, or might just cry for a bit then move on. Lemme know what you think people! ^_^ Many thanx! 


	5. The truth is out

Here's the chapter you've all been waiting for! The thoughts that drive Bakura mad are finally revealed!!!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Bakura glared at Ryou. Ryou glared at Bakura.  
If they were in a low-budget anime cartoon, their eyes would have zapped sparks at eachother.  
  
"I'm warning you, if you don't stop making me ill..." Bakura began.  
"Maybe you should learn a little compassion," Ryou retorted.  
"Maybe you should learn to control your warped little mind."  
"Maybe you should get a mind."  
"Maybe you should get a life."  
"Cry-baby."  
"Pervert."  
"Heartless."  
"Sissy."  
"If you got any colder you'd drop dead."  
"And you're such a ray of bloody sunshine for me right now, aren't you?"  
"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, Bakura."  
"Just one of the many services I offer, oh mighty mummy's-boy."  
"Better a mummy's-boy than a common thief."  
"I am NOT a thief! I am a tomb-robber!"  
"Whatever... I bet you couldn't even do that right."  
  
Yugi and Yami watched on with interest, a huge smirk across Yami's face. He did sympathise with Bakura, there could be no doubts about that... but it was always fun to see him getting mad. Yugi simply wondered when they were going to get off eachother's cases.  
  
Bakura started turning red with anger. "You want me to tell carrot-boy your little secret?"  
Ryou glared ferociously at Bakura. "Don't even try it," he whispered through gritted teeth. "You'll regret this whole day if you do."  
Bakura scoffed at this. "Oh come on, what could you possibly do?" A huge smirk spread across his face. "I know, let's find out!"  
Ryou's mouth dropped open in horror. "No! You wouldn't!"  
Bakura's smirk turned into an evil grin, the kind of grin that was usually reserved for use only by homicidal maniacs with filed teeth and bad attitudes. "Watch me."  
  
Bakura turned to face Yugi. "Hey, wanna hear what Ryou's been thinking ever since we got in here?"  
Ryou charged at Bakura, trying to tackle him. Unfortunately, Bakura saw him coming and sidestepped, sending Ryou careening into a stack of shelves.  
"Idiot," Bakura remarked, before turning back to Yugi, a huge smile across his features. "Anyway, as I was saying... Ryou has a little secret." He walked over to Yugi and whispered in his ear. "He fancies Tea."  
Ryou's head popped up from the pile of cabbages that had buried him, a huge snarl adorning his usually gentle face.  
Yugi looked dumbstruck. "But... why? Her? How? When? I mean... it's TEA we're talking about!"  
Bakura smirked. "Oh, it gets better," he continued, a slight laugh in his voice. "You see, he has a few fantasies planned... for example, there's one that involves chains, whips and certain bodily functions -"  
Yami dived and grabbed Yugi, pulling him to the floor and covering his virgin ears, not wanting him to hear any more.  
  
Ryou evidently didn't want any of his fantasies shared either. He sprinted across what little space there was between him and his Yami, and tried another tackle. This time he connected, dragging Bakura to the ground with him, right next to Yugi and Yami.  
His eyes flashed with a crazed sparkle, and for a second Yugi could have sworn there were two Bakuras in the room. Ryou began screaming at Bakura, emphasising every word with an action.  
  
"I" Ryou punched Bakura in the face. "WARNED" Another punch. "YOU" A backhand slap. "NOT" Bakura's head bounced off the floor. "TO" A knee in the ribs. "TELL" An elbow in the nose. "HIM!" A fist in the temple. Now Ryou stopped being creative, and instead persisted in punching Bakura's face in, using alternating hands. "*I* *WARNED* *YOU!* *WHY* *COULDN'T* *YOU* *JUST* *KEEP* *YOUR* *MOUTH* *SHUT* *JUST* *ONCE???*"  
No reply came from Bakura. In fact, all he seemed capable of now was sitting in the corner blithering away quietly to himself. Ryou dragged Bakura out of the way and stood up, panting.  
  
Yugi and Yami looked on in shock. "Erm... are you okay Ryou?" Yugi asked, one hand slowly reaching for Ryou's shoulder. "You've never flipped out like that before..."  
"Yeah," Yami agreed. "Though I have to admit..." he paused and gave Ryou a thumbs-up sign. "It was pretty cool!"  
  
Ryou blushed slightly, picking a cabbage leaf out of his hair. "I don't know what came over me... I just didn't want that stuff shared, I guess."  
Yugi and Yami gave eachother a quick glance. Yugi opened his mouth to say something, but Bakura interrupted from the corner.  
  
"No mummy... I don't want to cabbage the Nile... I wanna play with Teddy..."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
There it is folks! Just try to imagine that for a minute... Ryou and Tea... chains... whips... bodily functions... ewwwwwwww!!!!!!!! Can't blame Bakura for being grossed out! (Or so my opinion goes anyway!)  
So there you go, the answer to the question about half a million people have been asking! Don't forget to check out the next chapter, where there'll be sugar-soaked antics (hey, I couldn't resist! ^_^) and... is Yami singing the Spam Song??? (Special thanks to Aesa Bast for that suggestion! *hug*)  
So please review, oh darlings, and check back sometime soon for what I hope will be the most maniacal chapter so far!  
Oh, and I just read my reviews and notice d a few people are asking what the pairings are going to be. Unfortunately, Yaoi fans, there won't be any Yaoi in this story... however, I'm working on a Yugi\Yami at the moment, have written a couple of Yugi\Ryou's, and am contemplating that earlier suggestion of Yami\Bakura... though I think they'd just end up killing eachother! ^_^ 


	6. Yami Jackson?

"Yami… will you please come down?" Yugi appealed to his hikari, pulling the puppy-dog eyes. For possibly the first time ever, they didn't have any effect. Most likely it was because Yami was too hyper to be able to see them.  
  
The only reply Yugi got was a string of gibberish that sounded vaguely like "Bwafafafaneeeeewhomhakakakakakagrarghshazashaza!!!!!!!" followed by a hail of raisins Yami had found on the top shelf - which he was currently sitting on.  
  
Yugi ducked out of the way, and turned his attention to Ryou. "No good… why did Bakura have to give him that bag of sugar?"  
  
Ryou sighed. "To get back at me by making us both have a miserable hour or so while Yami burns his sugar rush off." Bakura could be heard chuckling evilly somewhere - though Ra knew *where* he'd hidden in that room - and Yugi made a mental note to somehow get even.  
  
Yugi turned his attention back to trying to help Yami. A quick search revealed there was nothing in the room that could be used to counter the sugar. Yugi sighed and cursed this fact in his mind - much to Yami's amusement.  
  
"Ooooooh, naughty little Yugi said a naughty little word!" he practically crowed with delight. "Does little Mr Ryou-kun want to know what Yugi said?"  
  
Yugi blushed, and Ryou turned away so he didn't have to look at Yami. Yugi's blush quickly faded, and he returned to facing Yami with a fierce glare. "Yami, get down here now!" he bellowed - well, as close to bellowing as Yugi could manage anyway.  
  
Much to Yugi's surprise, Yami climbed down. He stood in front of Yugi with his hands behind his back and staring at his feet, much like a small child might when they were being told off.  
  
Yugi stood dumb for a second, not sure what to do. "Uhm… go and sit in the corner for a while, and try to calm down…"  
  
Yami looked up at Yugi. "But I don't wanna time-out!" he protested, sounding much more like his normal self.  
  
Yugi sighed inwardly. Maybe the sugar hadn't hit Yami as hard as he'd first feared. "Well, I'm sorry, but it'll teach you not to eat whole bags of sugar in future."  
  
Yami hung his head, and slunk over to the corner Yugi had pointed to. Yugi and Ryou both looked to eachother and sat down, Yugi making sure he avoided the bag of carrots this time - much to the evident displeasure of Bakura, if the 'bloody spoilsport' comment was anything to go by. Yugi began contemplating going back to sleep, in the hope that somehow the rest of the night might pass more peacefully for him.  
  
Yami, in the meantime, was getting very bored *very* quickly in the corner by himself. He'd run out of fingers and thumbs to twiddle already, had had enough of shuffling his feet, and wasn't getting anywhere trying to have a conversation with a lone turnip. Suddenly, his eyes flashed wide as he remembered a song he'd found on a CD in Yugi's room earlier, and began concocting his own version of it. In his hyperactive state, it didn't take very long.  
  
"Yugi! Yugi!" he yelled, bouncing up and down on the spot in his excitement. "I made a special song for you!"  
  
Yugi put one hand up to his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was about five minutes away from having a vein pulsating on his forehead.  
  
"Can I sing it please?"  
  
Yugi waved a hand at Yami, indicating that he honestly didn't care right now. The subtle "please don't" behind this gesture was wasted on Yami, and he quickly began preparing himself.  
  
"Ready Yugi?" he asked. Yugi looked up, and was about to reply, but what he saw simply made his jaw drop. Was Yami dressed up like… Michael Jackson?  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Apologies for the lack of humour in this chapter, oh patient readers, but it was written while I had a hangover and had little desire to do anything other than curl up in my bed and dream of Yugi.  
  
However, next chapter we finally get to see 'Yami Jackson' sing the Spam song! Hope you enjoy!  
  
I don't know if there's much point in asking you to review this chapter, since it was only intended as a build-up to the next, but if you must then feel free! (All flames will be used to singe Dark Magician Girl's hair or just ignored!) 


	7. The Spam Song

Yugi stared at Yami, his mouth open. Ryou stared at Yami, his eyes wide and eyebrows raised. Even Bakura, wherever he was, had stopped snickering.  
  
Yami had turned the legs of his leather trousers up on the inside, to give himself the classic 'ankle-freezers' Michael Jackson always wore. He'd taken one of his gloves off, so that he only had the one left on. He'd poured some bottled water on his shoes to give them a shiny look. He was stood with one foot flat, the other on the tips of his toes, hips thrust with one hand on his hip, his gloved hand down by his side. He'd even slightly scrunched his face up to try to make himself look more like MJ.  
  
"Anou… Yami?" Yugi began, totally uncertain of whether Yami was still under the effects of the sugar, or if being in the same room as Bakura for so long had driven him mad, or what. "Are… are you ok?"  
  
Yami simply gave a wry smile in Yugi's direction, and began to sing. Yugi recognised the tune Yami was singing - it was 'Beat It' by Michael Jackson. However, the words were anything but what Michael Jackson sang.  
  
"How come you're always such a stupid lil boy?  
  
Don't play with that tin, it's not some kind of toy!  
  
You know we all love Spam, it brings the world such joy  
  
So eat it! Just eat it!"  
  
Yugi and Ryou gave eachother a sideways glance, totally unsure as to what to make of this new odd event. Half of Yugi wanted to stop Yami there and then; the other half just wanted to curl up in the corner and rock backwards and forwards on his heels till Yami stopped. Ryou felt a small pang of - was it fear? - as Yami continued.  
  
"You'd better not argue, better clean off your plate  
  
Spam's the only thing you're not allowed to hate  
  
You'll finish the whole tin, or I'll make you worm bait  
  
So eat it! I don't care if you're full…"  
  
Yugi and Ryou both grimaced, gritted their teeth, screwed their eyes shut and braced themselves for the chorus.  
  
"Just eat it, eat it,  
  
Open up your mouth and feed it  
  
Try some for breakfast, grab some more Spam,  
  
It doesn't matter if it's fresh or canned, just eat it!"  
  
Ryou could take it no longer. He ducked out of the way behind his crate once more and covered his ears, shuddering at the very thought of what he'd just seen and heard. Yugi glared at the crate Ryou was sat behind - however, he couldn't join him. After all, Yami was singing for him, and he didn't want to upset Yami, regardless of what he had to endure.  
  
Unknown to the other two, Bakura was also cowering, his bruised face screwed up as though he were a five year-old hiding from the bogeyman. He was so horrified, he couldn't even send abuse to Ryou over their mind link. He could, however, mentally kick himself for giving Yami that sugar. But how was he to know *this* would be the outcome?  
  
"That pile of Spam you left is a crying shame,  
  
If you starve to death there's only you to blame  
  
Spam is beautiful, it deserves a richer name,  
  
So eat it, just eat it."  
  
Yugi could feel his left eye beginning to twitch. It wasn't happening, he kept telling himself. Yami was *not* singing. It was a nightmare. He'd wake up soon, and they could all have a good laugh about it.  
  
Soon.  
  
Soon.  
  
Very soon…  
  
Any minute now…  
  
Yugi slapped himself round the face. Hard. This provided clarification enough that he wasn't dreaming.  
  
Yami actually paused in his song briefly, to give Yugi a look that asked 'Are you feeling okay?' Recovering where he left off, he imitated the Michael Jackson "OW!" before continuing.  
  
"Go grab a mouthful of that pork and ham,  
  
Shove it down your throat just as fast as you can  
  
I think that it's time that we start to worship Spam  
  
So eat it, I don't care if you're full!"  
  
Yugi braced himself for the final chorus. Ryou began rocking back and forth and banging his head off the crate. Bakura had begun to accept Yami's performance - insanity evidently does have its advantages - and began tittering maniacally at the fiend he had unleashed upon the room, the familiar evil gleam in his eye.  
  
"Just eat it, eat it,  
  
Open up your mouth and feed it  
  
Try some for breakfast, grab some more Spam,  
  
It doesn't matter if it's fresh or canned,  
  
Just eat it, just eat it  
  
Don't you make me repeat it!  
  
Eat it for dinner, or as a snack  
  
If you don't like it you can't send it back  
  
Just eat it!  
  
Eat it!  
  
Just eat it!  
  
Eat it!"  
  
Yugi waited for Yami to finish fading out his "eat it"s before he dared speak. "Well…" he began, totally unsure what to say. "Thank you Yami, I'm… uhm… really touched by that. I never realised you cared about me enough to… write a song about Spam for me…" he finished weakly.  
  
Yami smiled at Yugi. "Unfortunately that's as far as I got with my songs -" He was interrupted by a faint mocking 'Yippee!' from Bakura "- but I'll try again another time."  
  
Yugi gave a small, almost inaudible sigh. "Yeah, better to not burn yourself out now, eh?"  
  
Before Yami had a chance to answer, Yugi turned away and leaned around the crate. "Hey, Ryou, he's finished, you can come out no… Ryou?"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Whoo! Finally! And apologies for the delay, oh loyal reviewers, but these things take time. That and my internet connection hasn't been very nice lately.  
  
Thanks to all of you who have reviewed so far, I would list you all but I wanna use this space to sneak in a cheap self-promo instead.  
  
I daresay many of you are disappointed this won't be a Yaoi (I know it's a prime opportunity for it) but I (hopefully) have one up and running alongside this ficcie, entitled 'First Date', written specially for Yugi\Yami fans, so please check it out! It's gonna get lovely and fluffy, just the way I like it! ^_^  
  
Please take the time to review this chapter, and don't flame me about the song lyrics - I will state now that I used *some* lines from 'Eat It' by Wierd Al Yankovich, but the guy's a genius so it's practically a tribute to him!  
  
Thanks for reading, see you next chapter! 


	8. A brief pause

This is a short break from the story to give a special thankyou to everyone who makes the story carry on - you, the readers! ^_^ Although I absolutely love writing, it's you people that make it worth so much more to me! Thankyou everyone!  
  
I also wish to take this opportunity to thank all the following people in particular, for their ongoing support:  
  
First Reviewer: Mercedes - a big hug for you! I shall also take this opportunity to implore my readers to go and have a look at her story 'Losing You' - it's one of my current favourites!  
  
Special hugs for the following people who have each reviewed three or four times…  
  
Gyakutenno Megami *big hug*  
  
Zypher *big hug*  
  
Demon Wolf *big hug*  
  
Daredevil *big hug*  
  
Matsurika *big hug*  
  
bakurakrazie *big hug*  
  
DogsruleW *big hug*  
  
Adrienne-Lillian/plushies *big hug*  
  
Elbereth *big hug*  
  
And last but far from least, the following people, each with five reviews, both share the 'most loyal reviewer' award! So, without further ado…  
  
WhenZlotsGoNuts! *big tackle-hug* Thankyouuuuuuuuuuu so much!!!!!!!  
  
*looks round*  
  
Ah ha! Wolfqueen821!!!!!!! *big tackle-hug for you too* Thankyou so much as well!  
  
I wuv all you guys and girls out there, and thankyou once again for all the lovely reviews I've been getting! *bows* Now on with the story! 


	9. The hour after the hour before

Yugi sat in the corner with Yami, whose sugar rush was now - thankfully - over. Yami didn't look at all well. Nor did he feel it, in fact.  
  
Yugi hugged Yami gently. "Now do you see why I try to keep you away from sugar?" he asked kindly. "I can live with your sugar rushes, but it's the lows afterwards that are the worst."  
  
Yami mumbled an apology and cursed whoever had discovered sugar in the first place. He couldn't stop himself shaking, and he felt like he had a - what did Yugi call it? Straining to remember (which was quite difficult, since his head felt like a particularly insistent dwarven blacksmith was using it for an anvil), he dimly recalled the word had something to do with hanging. Closing his eyes, he tried deep breathing exercises to relieve the gut ache he'd now developed.  
  
Yugi looked over to Ryou, who was lying on the floor, curled up in the foetal position and shaking. Bakura - amazingly - was trying to soothe his aibou, possibly feeling a small pang of guilt at forcing him to this stage of regression.  
  
"How is he?" Yugi asked.  
  
Bakura shook his head, his lips pursed together in thought. "At least he's stopped that scary humming now…" he replied. He returned to trying to soothe Ryou, with very little success. Evidently, 'Yami Jackson' had made quite an impact on the boy. Bakura glared at Yami, and a small smile touched his evil lips as he saw the suffering the mighty pharaoh was going through.  
  
"Serves you right too," he called across the room. Yami flinched at the raised voice, and opened his eyes. He fixed them on Bakura and snarled. "If you hadn't given me that sugar, it would never have happened."  
  
Bakura gave Yami an incredulous look, rolled his eyes and gestured in an exaggerated fashion with his arms. "Oh, and I suppose if Yugi had never introduced you to Spam we'd never be here? Come on Pharaoh, whose fault is it - yours or Yugi's?"  
  
Yami didn't respond to this, not wishing to admit that that tombrobber no baka was right. Instead, he settled for turning his attention back to Yugi. "How long will this last?" he asked feebly, not wanting to raise his voice any louder than he could help.  
  
Yugi smiled down at him. "I can't honestly say, it could be anything from an hour to three. It all depends on how your body reacts to it."  
  
As if in response to Yugi's comment, Yami felt his stomach turned a triple back flip, and he put his head between his knees. He felt himself retch once, though nothing came back up with it.  
  
Bakura looked at Yami in disgust. "Oh really, it was bad enough that you gorged yourself on all the vile Spam" he spat, indicating the large pile of now-empty Spam tins behind one of the stacks of shelves. "I mean, that stuff looks nasty enough when it's in the tin, I don't think anyone here fancies seeing it again!"  
  
For the first time since diving behind his crate, Ryou spoke. His voice had taken on a curiously high pitch, and his eyes kept flicking open and shut apparently of their own accord as he did so. "No… not again… please… never let Yami's akki [1] near me again… not again… never again… please Ra, I can't take it… not agai -"  
  
At that point, Ryou was silenced by Bakura's hand, which clamped itself over Ryou's mouth. He was concerned that, if his aibou kept babbling, he might descend to somewhere around Marik's level… Admittedly that could be quite interesting, but better the devil you know, ne?  
  
Pausing for a second, Bakura gently released his hand. Thankfully, Ryou was silent again, which could only be a good sign. He turned a glare back at Yami. "Carrot no baka" he snarled, and added a mental chuckle, pleased at his new taunt.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
[1] Akki = evil spirit  
  
So how was that? Apologies for the delay in updating, but I've had a lot of assignments that could make or break my career lately, and that paperwork sucks to a phenomenal extent.  
  
I also apologise if that chapter was a bit bland, but it's quite hard to be amusing less than 24hrs after you've been run over, ne? In case you were wondering, I have a headache, possible whiplash, a swollen elbow, a sore wrist, knee and ankle, bruised ribs and several pulled muscles. Nothing serious though! ^_^  
  
Anyway, I noticed the review count slipped a bit on chapters 6 and 7, so *please* review this time! Constructive criticism will be accepted with delight, whilst flames shall be openly mocked at the beginning of the next chapter.  
  
I've also got two other active stories running at the moment, one angsty\romancy series ('Short Story Series') and one totally happy fluffy tale of Yami and Yugi's first date ('First Date') so please check them out if you get time!  
  
Oh, and one last thing... *big tackle-hug to every fan in sight* Thankyou again for reviewing previous chappies and stories! It means so much! ^_^ Bye for now! 


	10. Apologies and excuses

Ok people, I need a favour here. Basically, I'm unsure as to how soon to stop this story (coz I think it's dragging a bit) so I reckon a couple more chapters. If you want to see longer, then please email me (or just review this chapter) and let me know. Also, suggestions for events are welcome (as was the Spam song) since I can only think of future stories at the moment.  
  
Speaking of which, I've written a nice little light-hearted one-off called Parental Guidance (non-Yaoi, unless you let your imagination run riot at certain opportunities) in which we meet Ryou and Yugi's fiendish side, brought out by Heavy Metal music.  
  
My other ongoing works at the moment are Short Story Series and First Date (both Yaoi), which are always ready for reviewing. I've also got a rather graphic (though non-lemon) Yaoi ('Be Mine') which has been completed and recieved glowing reviews.  
  
Apologies for the lack of updates but, as I said, I've not been able to concentrate on this story at the moment, but... I hope to get back to it soon!  
  
*grabs Yugi decked out in an angel outfit doing his best chibi puppy-dog eyes* Please read his other stories! You know I'm too sweet to resist!  
  
Apologies again people!  
  
-Baz 


	11. A new side to Bakura

Greetings, oh loyal readers and reviewers. First of all, sorry for the delays in updating - I've had numerous assignments thrown at me, and if I don't finish them in the next two weeks I lose my job, so needless to say I've been a touch busy ^_^  
  
Many congrats to Coolies, who was the 100th reviewer (despite being "gorunded" ^_^) *hands over award* I'm so proud! My first proper story and it got 100 reviews! Yay!  
  
I would also like to take this opportunity to direct your attention to another story on fanfic.net. It's by a writer called WingedWolf, entitled Shadows of the Heart. I think this is a great story, and it has only thus far recieved 15-ish reviews, which simply isn't fair on the writer. So go on, go read it once you're done here! I beg it of you!  
  
Thanks also to Hakusen for being the first person to submit real constructive criticism to any of my stories - this chapter is dedicated to Hakusen and Wingedwolf, hope you two enjoy!  
  
Oh, and to the reviewer (who shall remain anonymous) who called me 'authoress'... maybe a quick peek at my profile is in order...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The four boys had decided to at least attempt to get some rest. They had, after all, lost track of how long they'd been in that room, but they realised it must have been a few hours. Yugi had curled up with Yami, and Ryou had curled up with Bakura. Well, that's what he kept telling himself. Who cared if his Yami didn't actually want to sleep in the same corner as him? They were together in spirit, and that was all that mattered.  
  
"Yami," Yugi whispered in his Yami's ear. "Why does Bakura always treat Ryou like that? Doesn't he care about him? He is his Hikari, after all."  
  
Yami smiled. "It's a pride thing. He's always seen himself as being strong, as being above everyone else. He's proud of who he is, and what he's achieved, even if he is only a tomb-rat."  
  
Yugi's mouth gaped in surprise. "Yami!" he whispered in a horrified tone.  
  
Yami chuckled. "It's true though. Anyway, he doesn't want to appear weak in front of Ryou, so he isolates him. He doesn't want to show friendship because he thinks it makes him look feeble, which is the worst thing he could see. You saw it earlier, he does care… he just doesn't like Ryou seeing."  
  
Yugi nodded. "I see. So, he just sort of lets Ryou feel the caring, but without actually showing it?"  
  
Yami looked surprised at this. "Well done, aibou. I have to admit, most people wouldn't have a chance of noticing –"  
  
Yami was suddenly cut off by a loud, hysterical scream. Both Yami and Yugi jumped to their feet, startled, and looked round.  
  
"Ryou?!" Yugi cried. "You ok?"  
  
Ryou sat up and shook his head, clearing the sleep. "Huh? I didn't scream."  
  
Yugi and Yami both looked at eachother. "Well, if it wasn't you or us…" Yugi began, but was cut off by a cackle from Yami. "Oh, this is great," he muttered, a large grin on his face. "Now let's see his pride in action."  
  
Ryou ignored this, and looked for his Yami. "Bakura?" he asked, waiting for a reply. "Where are you?"  
  
Ryou was answered by another shriek. He followed where the noise came from, and saw Bakura scrunched up on top of a sack of potatoes, visibly whiter than usual and shaking. "What's wrong?"  
  
Bakura pointed one trembling finger toward the floor. "Ra… ra… ra…"  
  
Ryou, Yugi and Yami followed Bakura's finger. Yugi's eyes opened wide in surprise. Ryou sighed. Yami gaped, his eyes opening wider in sheer delight.  
  
"The great tomb-robber is scared of a RAT???" he crowed. "Oh, this is just too good!" Yami sat down and started laughing, not even attempting to stop himself. He still remembered the Spam incident.  
  
"Be quiet Pharaoh no baka!" he roared, making sure he kept an eye on his rodent nemesis. "This isn't a laughing matter!"  
  
Ryou sighed, and turned to Yugi. "Bakura's always had this weird fear of small furry creatures. Mice, rats, hamsters… oh, and squirrels are the worst."  
  
At the mention of the word 'squirrel', Bakura had emitted a feeble 'eep' and turned a shade paler than he already was.  
  
Yami managed to control his laughter for a few seconds. "Hey, you bakayaro no baka, why don't you just send it to the shadow realm? Or is a rat's soul too powerful for you?" he finished with a taunting sneer to his voice.  
  
Bakura couldn't help whimpering at the thought. "Because if I go there one day…" he shrank back from the edge of his sack. "Then they'll be waiting for me…"  
  
Yami gaped. He suddenly started tittering, a high-pitched titter that made Yugi and Ryou quite nervous. Not scared, but nervous.  
  
As if in response to Yami's titters, the rat started squeaking. This was more than Bakura could take.  
  
"ARGH!" he shrieked, and literally leapt into the air, over the rat and across the room. Landing in the opposite corner and backing up against the wall, he screamed "Get rid of it Ryou!"  
  
Yami snorted. "Oh, right, he'll just pick it up and throw it out the window?"  
  
Bakura glowered at Yami, taking his eyes off the rat for the first time. "DON'T taunt me Pharaoh! I can still hurt carrot-boy over there!" Bakura began to turn towards Yugi, but instead his eyes settled on where the rat was. 'Was' being the key word.  
  
Bakura shrieked. "WHERE IS IT? WHERE'S IT GONE???"  
  
Yami had already fallen on the floor by this point, tears stinging his eyes from laughing at Bakura's girly scream. "Oh, this is p… p… priceless!" he gasped. "The proud tomb-robber, desecrator of so many of my family's tombs, reduced to girly shrieking by a mere rodent!" Yami curled up so tight his spiked hair touched his knees, such was his laughter.  
  
Yugi, in the meantime, was chasing the rat. "I think it went over here!" he cried.  
  
"GET IT!"  
  
"Here it is!"  
  
"ARGH!"  
  
"C'mere, you little –"  
  
"KILL IT!"  
  
Yami, by this point, had been reduced to quivering, not even able to draw enough breath to laugh properly. Ryou was trying to calm Bakura down – a losing battle – and Bakura had started throwing anything he could find at the rat, more often than not hitting Yugi instead. This only served to make Yami want to laugh harder. He had, it would seem, reached the limit of the human body's ability to laugh.  
  
Yugi made a final desperate dive, and grabbed the rat by the tail. "Got it!" he yelled in triumph. He quickly jumped to his feet, holding the rat so it couldn't bite him, and hurried over to Ryou. "What do we do with it?"  
  
He had, unfortunately, forgotten that Bakura was right next to Ryou, and he now had a rat almost in his face. Reacting purely on terror, Bakura reached out and punched the rat as hard as he could. It slammed into the opposite wall with a surprisingly loud thud, and dropped to the floor.  
  
Ryou turned pale when he saw the angle of the rat's head – there was no way it could still be alive, at any rate. Yugi saw the same thing, and felt his legs begin to go from underneath him. Yami still cackled obscenely, laughing too hard to even see the rat.  
  
Bakura, in the meantime, was staring at his hand. "I… touched it…" was the last thing he said before he slumped to the floor, out to the world.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
There ya go people! Once again, I apologize for the delay, and again urge you to read Wingedwolf's story!  
  
Please review, hope you enjoyed! 


	12. Trouble for Yugi

Hello people! I'm back with yet another chappie! ^_^ *watches tumbleweed roll past* Geez, thanks for the enthusiasm!!!  
  
Well, I've looked back over my reviews [125! Yay! ^_^ Huggle for everyone who wants one!] and past chapters, and I've noticed two things - 1) I've been picking on poor lil 'Kura a lot *huggle for Bakura, who looks rather sickened* and 2) You people seem to enjoy it! I should smite you all for your wicked ways... but smote people have trouble reviewing, ne? *Hyfen: -_-' Oh, the subtlety*  
  
I (and other reviewers) have also noticed that Yugi has gotten away almost scott-free... *evil glint in eye* Now, we can't have that, can we?  
  
Note to all Yugi fans, like myself: I'M SO SORRY FOR DOING THIS!!!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
For the first time since Bakura's song, silence had descended in the room. You could have heard a pin drop, if someone had a pin handy. Yami's head still hurt a bit, so he wasn't really keen on talking. Bakura was still out cold, and Ryou was enjoying his rare moment of peace. Yugi, on the other hand, wasn't enjoying the silence as much as the others - he was trying to ignore a feeling of impending doom that had settled upon him. For some reason he couldn't put his finger on, he was certain that something Bad was going to happen to him. Not just bad, but Bad.  
  
Yugi opened his mouth to mention this to Yami, but his stomach cut him off with a deep growl.  
  
Yami looked at Yugi and raised his eyebrows enquiringly. "Hungry, aibou?"  
  
Yugi blushed slightly and nodded. Yami smiled and, without saying a word, stood up and walked over to the shelves - 'accidentally' treading on Bakura's stomach enroute, causing him to wake with a painful gasp of expelled air. Yami grabbed a tin and brought it back over to Yugi, skipping around Bakura as he tried to bite him. Bakura evidently didn't appreciate Yami's revival techniques.  
  
Yami triumphantly handed the tin to Yugi. Pulling a plastic fork (which he'd been using earlier) out of his pocket and pulling a few bits of fluff off, he held it out to Yugi with a smile on his face. "Enjoy!"  
  
As Yugi reached for the fork, he read the label on the tin - 'Spam'. Yugi's hand suddenly hesitated just before grabbing the fork, as he weighed up his options. He didn't want to upset Yami by refusing the Spam - Ra knows what THAT might trigger (Yugi couldn't help but see Yami Jackson making a triumphant return) - but on the other hand, one always has to consider one's well-being, ne?  
  
Yugi slowly came to the realisation that Yami wouldn't forget his refusal for a month of Sundays, and he plucked the key off the side of the tin. He took a deep breath and inserted the key, flinching ever so slightly as he heard it click into place. Yugi noticed that Yami had squatted down in front of him, and he made the mistake of looking at Yami's eyes.  
  
You know that look a dog gives you when he's just been praised and wants a longer cuddle? Yami reminded Yugi of that.  
  
Yugi realised he had to do it, as did the other two. Yugi glanced at Ryou, who had a look of sympathising concern on his face. Bakura, on the other hand, simply gave Yugi his best smirk - one that was specially saved for situations like this.  
  
'That's what you get for holding a rat in front of me' Bakura thought, shuddering at the memory. 'I'll enjoy this as much as you won't, carrot-boy!'  
  
Yugi began twisting the lid back, hoping he had a dud key so he could claim Ra clearly didn't want him to *ahem* 'enjoy' some Spam right now. Needless to say, the key held solid. Yugi's gut feeling was coming true.  
  
Once the lid was fully back, Yugi picked up his fork and looked at the mess inside the tin. For a brief second he could swear it was moving, though it was probably a trick of the light. Only probably - you could never be sure. Slowly, Yugi's fork began to descend.  
  
"NYEARGH!" Yugi shrieked, dropping the tin with a clatter.  
  
Yami looked alarmed. "What's wrong? Has the Spam gone rotten? Is there a spider in there?"  
  
Yugi's hand was shaking slightly. "It… it… it winked at me!" As much as he didn't want them to, Yugi felt his legs drawing up to his chest and his arms slipping around them.  
  
Yami picked up the tin. Looked at it. Sniffed it. He picked up the fork and had a mouthful. "It's fine Yugi. You must be really hungry, you're seeing things!"  
  
Yami gave Yami a weak smile as he handed the tin and fork back. "Heh… Yeah, I guess so." Trying not to prolong his suffering any longer, Yugi jabbed his fork into the tin, taking a mouthful out. From the corner of his eye, Yugi saw Bakura's smirk turn into a grin that was both expectant and delighted at the same time. And demented, of course.  
  
Yugi jammed the fork into his mouth, trying to let as little as possible touch his tongue. Forcing a smile, he looked at Yami. "Thanks!"  
  
*~*~*One forced tin of Spam later*~*~*  
  
Yugi put the empty tin down. Admittedly, his stomach was feeling a bit better. That was probably because stomachs - mercifully - don't have taste buds. Unfortunately, tongues do.  
  
"Well, thanks for that Yami!" Yugi said, still forcing the cheer. He ran over to the shelves, taking time to 'accidentally' kick Bakura on the way.  
  
"Hey!" Bakura objected angrily. "Contrary to popular belief -" He glared at Ryou. "- I am NOT a punch bag, carrot-boy!"  
  
Yugi ignored Bakura. He just wanted rid of the vile taste in his mouth. He grabbed the first bottle he saw and wrenched the lid off. Turning to Yami, he explained "That Spam has made me so thirsty!" before tipping the bottle back and drinking deeply. It was only after the sixth gulp that Yugi noticed the kick and burning sensation the drink gave. He stopped and read the label.  
  
"Smirnoff… 39.5%"  
  
All of a sudden, that feeling of impending doom seemed more accurate than ever before.  
  
*~*~*One drunken Yugi later*~*~*  
  
Bakura spotted his chance, and cackled with maniacal glee. His eyes flared with evil intent as he saw Yugi stagger slightly and slide down the wall. This, he decided, was a great opportunity for mayhem and revenge.  
  
Pulling a pair of scissors usually used for masochistic purposes out of his pocket, Bakura strolled across the room with a confident swagger, his chest puffed out and a cocky smirk adorning his features. Yugi tipped his head so he could see Bakura. Both of them.  
  
"How'd you like a haircut, Yugi?" Bakura taunted, putting on his best polite English accent and waving the scissors. "I can give you a carrot-spike! A carrot-spike for carrot-boy!"  
  
Ignoring Yugi's abusive response - evidently the alcohol had already removed Yugi's normal inhibitions - Bakura prepared himself for cutting all but Yugi's middle spike off, trying to decide which side would be best to start from. However, before he could start, he heard a faint "Squeak!" from Yugi's side. Bakura went pale. There was ANOTHER rat in the room.  
  
By the time his feeble little "Eep!" had had reached Yami and Ryou's ears, Bakura had dropped his scissors, sprinted across the room, hopped up onto a crate and curled up, shaking once again.  
  
Yami blinked in amazement. "I didn't know it was physically possible to move that fast…"  
  
Ryou nodded and sighed. "Kinda pathetic really…"  
  
Bakura - the proud tombrobber - glared at the two boys. "STOP TALKING AND KILL THAT RAT!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Hmmm... I can't decide if that chapter was funny or just mindless babbling... the ideas seemed funny, but I dunno bout how it came across... Maybe it needs redoing, someone get back to me on that! i.e. PLEASE REVIEW! The last chapter was one of the funniest by all accounts, but so few regulars reviewed it! *sob*  
  
Oooooooh... before I forget... guess who's got a copy of the Yu-Gi-Oh! TV theme? ^_^ It's from the duelist kingdoms series. If anyone wants it, email me (see profile) and I'll send it to ya! It's 647KB, so make sure you have room!  
  
See you next chapter people! And PLEASE read and review Wingedwolf's story 'Shadows of the heart' (Story ID 1305800) - it's a great story and only has 15 reviews, it deserves more! Help me here, oh loyal fans! 


	13. Food fight!

Hey everyone! Gomen nasai for the delay! There are many excuses, but I'll save that for another time!  
  
Apologies if this chapter sucks, but I wouldn't normally write this kinda thing - I simply bowed to growing demand. I hope you enjoy it anyway, it was quite good fun to write!  
  
This chapter is dedicated to everyone who asked for it, and to DAU - hope you enjoy this as much as the rest of it!  
  
And guess what? I resisted the urge to include Spam in this chapter! ^_^ Go me!  
  
Hyfen: You're a moron -_-'  
  
Baz: *pouts* Leamme alone...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"But Yami!" Yugi whined. "He keeps picking on us and someone's gotta make him stop!"  
  
Yami sighed. As anyone who's tried can tell you, when someone's drunk and in the mood for a fight, it is very hard to make them see sense. Especially when they are your hikari and so you can't use any physical force on them. "Look, Yugi… It really isn't worth it. After all, he's only a tomb robber - you're the hikari of a Pharaoh! He's not worth the breath spent walking over to him!"  
  
This - as you could easily guess - did very little to sway Yugi's mood. "But Yami, if we let him get away with it, he'll keep doing it!"   
  
Bakura watched this little 'discussion' with much amusement. "What's the matter Pharaoh? Can't even keep your hikari under control? How on earth did you manage an empire? Oh, wait…" Bakura sniggered slightly, a cocky grin adorning his features. "You were only in charge for… what, a year?"  
  
Yami glared at Bakura, and Bakura could almost see the flames leap into his eyes. For possibly the first time ever, Bakura wondered if he'd gone too far. He'd clearly hit a nerve, at any rate. Bakura could swear storm clouds were beginning to gather around Yami, and for half a second he thought he could see an angry purple vortex open behind him. Quite *how* a vortex could be angry, he didn't know - but this one was.  
  
"YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH, TOMBROBBER NO BAKAYARO!" Yami bellowed, practically spitting balls of lightning at Bakura. Were it not for the fact that Bakura was already hiding behind Ryou, Yami may well have swung at him.  
  
Yugi sighed. "See Yami? That's what I was talking about. Hey Yami… hey, that's not fair! No, you said I wasn't allowed to hit him! No, stop it Yami! That's not fair! STOP IT!"  
  
Yami paid Yugi very little attention. He was currently chasing Bakura around the room, slightly foaming at the mouth with a demented snarl on his face, hurling abuse in as many languages as he was possibly capable. Ryou couldn't help but grin at the sight of his yami fleeing from the enraged Pharaoh, the look of terror on his face one that Ryou wanted to capture in his mind forever.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Suddenly, the chase was halted by a blob of rather hastily made mashed potato hitting Yami on the back of the head. Yami spun round, first looking at Ryou. Ryou stared innocently back at Yami, and showed him his hands. "Nani?"  
  
When he saw Ryou had nothing in his hands, Yami turned to Yugi in disbelief.  
  
Yugi was stood, swaying slightly from his alcohol-fuelled efforts and looking rather sheepish, with a bottle of water in one hand and an empty Spam tin now lined with mashed potato in the other. Behind him was a torn-open packet of Smash [that's instant mash, for those who don't know]. "Yami… I know Bakura pushed it… but I'm not letting you be a hypocrite!"  
  
Yami gaped at Yugi. After a second, his gape became a grin, which quickly transposed into a maniacal glare. "So you want to throw food eh?" he muttered through clenched teeth. He reached for the first box he could find - eggs. "Perfect."  
  
Yugi's eyes opened wide. "Yami… you wouldn't…"  
  
Just to be safe, Yugi dived as Yami pulled his arm back - straight behind Ryou. Or, to be more exact, INTO Ryou - alcohol doesn't really help your aim, especially when you aren't even looking where you're going.  
  
The two boys fell onto the floor in a pile of arms and legs, Yugi yelling in surprise at hitting something and Ryou yelling in annoyance at being hit, both oblivious to the hail of eggs that flew over them. Ryou pushed Yugi back down as he stood up. "Why the hell did you -" Ryou was cut off as an egg hit him on the cheek. For a second he thought it was a fist.  
  
He spun round to face where the egg had come from. "Yami!" he cried, a look of utter annoyance crossing his face. "What was tha-?"  
  
Ryou was cut off as another egg struck him square on the head. Yugi giggled from the floor. "Looks like you've got egg on your face, Ryou!"  
  
Much to the surprise of Ryou, Yugi and Yami, Bakura actually sniggered at that one. "Not bad, carrot-boy!" he chuckled. "Mind if I have a go?"  
  
Before anyone knew what was happening, Bakura leapt off the shelf he'd climbed up on, straight over Yami. As he flew over, a faint sludgy sound was heard, before Bakura dropped onto his feet with his trademark smirk back where it belonged. "Gee Yami, looks like you're in a bit of a sticky situation right now, ne?"  
  
Yugi gasped at Yami's predicament. "Bakura… HOW is Yami going to get that SYRUP out of his HAIR???"  
  
Yami simply stood still as the syrup began trickling down his face. A vein had appeared on his temple, and he closed his eyes as the syrup reached his eyebrows. "That…" he began, pausing to take a soothing breath. "Was too much."  
  
Before Bakura knew it, the whole remaining box of Yami's eggs had been smashed into his face. Yes, even the box.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Yugi knew his chance when he saw it. And he saw it now. He spun round and grabbed a bag of flour off the shelf behind him. "Stop calling me carrot-boy!" he screamed, before ripping the top off the bag and launching it at Bakura. Bakura, who had looked toward Yugi as he'd screamed, barely managed to get half of his shriek of surprise out before the bag hit him.  
  
The albino boy was suddenly much whiter than usual. Two chocolaty brown eyes stared out of the sea of flour and white hair that now made up Bakura's head. All of his shirt - the nice green one Ryou had bought him for Christmas that he secretly loved - was also white, and so were his trousers, down to the knees. Bakura couldn't even choose which term of abuse he wanted to scream first. Before he had a chance, Ryou came bounding over.  
  
"Oh 'Kura…" he trilled. As Bakura turned round, Ryou pulled his hand back and rammed it into Bakura's face. Yami and Yugi gaped at the cherry that had just been shoved up Bakura's nose. Ryou simply smiled. "Don't you see? Eggs… flour… cherry… we've made a 'Kura-cake!"  
  
Yami and Yugi couldn't help themselves. They both doubled up laughing, leaning on eachother and gasping for breath. Bakura, on the other hand, didn't see the funny side of it. He saw red.  
  
Bakura bent over and picked something up before walking over to the two teens, who were still giggling. He suddenly snapped his head forward, sending up a large cloud of flour… which stuck to Yami's hair. Before Yami could react, Bakura shoved him away and turned to Yugi, who gulped slightly. To be fair, who wouldn't when confronted with a carrot-wielding maniac?  
  
Bakura wasn't wielding the carrot for long. In the twinkling of an eye, he jabbed his hand up towards Yugi's face. Fortunately for Yugi, it was only a baby carrot - still, that didn't stop it hurting as it was implanted into his left nostril.  
  
"There we go!" Bakura cried as Yugi stumbling away, his eyes watering. "'Kura-cake just made a carrot-boy!"  
  
With that, Bakura turned his attention to Ryou. "Ah, my dear little hikari…" he sneered. "You're so good to me, aren't you?"  
  
Bakura grabbed a bottle of pure orange juice from the small chiller unit as he passed it. "How'd you like some orange Ryou? You must be so thirsty, all that laughing you were doing at my expense."  
  
Ryou tried to protest, but all that came out were mumbled stutterings.  
  
Bakura lunged forward and tipped the orange over Ryou's head, who shrieked. "KISAMA! Bakura, that was cold!" Ryou suddenly realised something else. "And that's orange! And I have white hair! Bakura, ORANGE STAINS WHITE!"  
  
Bakura chuckled. "Isn't it wonderful?"  
  
Ryou turned round to look for something to retaliate with. In a dark corner, he saw what looked like a rotten turnip. He lunged and grabbed it, before spinning back round. "Hey Bakura, have some of this!"  
  
No matter what anyone tells you, rotten turnips don't squeak like rats when thrown.  
  
"Oh shit…"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
There we go! Gomen nasai again for the delay, please review! ^_^ 


	14. Rats and freedom

Well, my faithful reviewers, here it is... the end of the story. Now now, don't all cry at once...  
I've really enjoyed writing this, and I hope you guys have enjoyed reading it! Thankyou all for reviewing! *plushies and pixie sticks to everyone in sight* And a special thankyou to HXH-YGO-OtAkU for the idea about the rat - I hope I used it as well as you imagined it! ^_^  
I have decided to end now because I've had a wonderful inspiration for what I think will probably be the best story I ever write. Chapter one (and maybe chapter two) is up now, it's called 'The Forbidden Love of a Pharaoh' - it's a yaoi definately written for yaoi lovers such as myself, and will feature angst, romance, comedy, drama, fluff, limes and lemons! It's a Yugi\Yami pairing set in ancient egypt... read the summary at the beginning of the story to see! I promise you'll enjoy it (assuming you're a yaoi fan!)  
That said, on with the finale!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The food fight came to an abrupt halt. The four boys, one way or the other, couldn't believe what they'd just seen.  
"Did Ryou just throw a rat at his yami? Is he crazy?"  
"Has Ryou just learnt to stand up to that tombrobber no baka?"  
"Oh Kami-Sama! Was that a *rat*?! I'm dead!"  
Bakura, for the moment, was too blinded by abject terror and outright rage to do anything - even think. The rat had landed on his shoulder, and the flea-ridden, disease-carrying rodent was *scurrying* around his neck, looking for a way back down to the floor.  
"Hikari…" Bakura began, physically swallowing his nausea. "If you don't get this vile creature off me right now, I won't even kill you. I'll make you suffer for the rest of your life, then banish you to the shadow realm on your deathbed. Get this… *thing* off me… NOW!"  
Ryou rushed over to Bakura, not wanting to make him any madder. Unfortunately, he wasn't fast enough.  
  
Bakura's yell hadn't only frightened Ryou. After all, the rat was sat on his shoulder - and was now as terrified as a rat could be without having a pint-sized heart attack. And rats, like all rodents, have only one instinct when scared - they hide in the closest available hole. Now, guess where that was?  
"Ryou… this thing is trying to get in my shirt… Ryou, its nose is in my shirt…" Bakura's voice took on a more desperate tone. "Ryou, it's going in my -"  
Bakura cut himself off with a scream. Not a yell, but a hysterical scream. "RYOU!!! THE RAT IS IN MY SHIRT! IT'S *IN* MY SHIRT! GET IT OUT NOW!"  
  
Truly, the scene was a picture Yami wanted to paint. Ryou was trying to calm Bakura down and at the same time frantically apologising and trying to get the rat out. Bakura was jumping up and down, spreading flour everywhere, flapping his arms about and screaming uncontrollably, accidentally punching Ryou in the face more than once. Of course, all the noise and motion wasn't helping the rat at all either.  
Needless to say, Yami found the whole thing highly amusing.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ryou ducked as a bottle of vodka flew towards him and exploded against the wall. "I said I'm sorry Bakura!" He ducked again as a tin of beans narrowly missed his right ear. "And I did get the rat out!"  
Bakura paused briefly, his arm pulled back ready to swing. "I know… that's why I'm killing you and not making you suffer!"  
*CRASH* - jar of coffee.  
"But yami…" Ryou whined. "I didn't know it was a rat!"  
Bakura stared at Ryou incredulously. "Oh yeah, I suppose you're gonna tell me you thought it was a mouldy turnip now, right?"  
Ryou stopped in surprise. Only for half a second, but it was enough for Bakura. As a large potato slammed into his chest and sent him staggering backwards, Ryou rued his mistake.  
As he bumped into Yugi, causing Yugi to trip over his sack of carrots, Ryou regained his balance, barely in time to duck out of the way of a tin of sweetcorn.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Yugi felt Yami pulling him up. "Are you ok aibo? That was quite a nasty fall…"  
Yugi shook his head a little to regain his senses. "Yeah, I'm ok."  
"Thank Ra for that. Come on, let's go save Ryou."  
Yugi nodded and climbed to his feet. As he did so, a switch near the floor caught his eye.  
"For emergencies only…" he read out loud. Yami took one glance over his shoulder at Bakura. "A murderous yami? I'd say this was an emergency… but what does it do?"  
Yugi shrugged - only one way to find out, ne? With that, he pressed the button…  
…and nearly shrieked his delighted "Yes!" when he heard the door pop open.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Bakura and Ryou both froze as they heard Yugi's little cry of joy. They turned as one and saw Yugi stand up with a big grin on his face.  
"What?"  
"There was a switch - it opened the door!"  
"A SWITCH?!" Both Bakuras together.  
"How?"  
"When?"  
"Why didn't you tell us sooner???"  
Yami put an arm around Yugi defensively. "He didn't say anything sooner because he didn't know!" he stated with a glare. "If he had, we'd already be out of here!" With that, he turned and led Yugi out, closely followed by the other two.  
As they all walked down the aisles, Yami suddenly froze. "What's wrong?" Yugi asked. The reply was one simple word - "Spam" - before Yami turned and ran back to the storeroom.  
Yugi's eyes flashed wide. "Wait!"  
Yugi sprinted up the aisles as fast as his legs could carry him, and got to his goal just in time to see the door closing. He dived dramatically and managed to slip a couple of fingers round the door in time. With an audible sigh of relief, he panted "Don't wanna go through that again…"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The mob stood in front of the automatic door. "Well why isn't it working?" Bakura demanded.  
Ryou sighed. "They're locked. And this time, there isn't a switch. We're stuck!"  
Yami and Yugi looked at eachother and sighed in despair, while Bakura stormed off, spitting fire. Yugi leaned up against a shelf. "Well, here we go a-"  
He was interrupted by the splintering of glass. Ryou's face dropped as he realised it came from where Bakura went, and he ran off to investigate. Judging by the horrified wail as he rounded the corner, Bakura had something - or possibly even everything - to do with it. Yami and Yugi glanced at eachother again before setting off to see what had happened.  
  
Bakura was stood beside what remained of a window, a look of utter bliss on his face, while Ryou shrieked and fretted about what was going to happen to them all.  
Yami spoke up first. "Thief… what and why?"  
Bakura gave Yami a quick glare. "Firstly, I'm not a thief, it's T-o-m-b-r-o-b-b-e-r, and secondly… I didn't want to go through all that again, especially when Ryou realises how much trouble we'll get in for trashing that storeroom…" At this there was a howl of terror and despair from Ryou. "…so I threw a chair through the window so we could get out unnoticed."  
However much Yami hated to admit it, there was a certain element of sense in Bakura's plan. Holy Ra, did Yami just call Bakura by his name???  
Bakura hopped up onto the windowsill and, before he jumped out, he turned to face the others.  
  
"And next time you go shopping… I'm staying home!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
~Fin~  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
There we go! *sob* It's all over! Please review with an opinion on this chapter and the story as a whole, it was my first humour so I need to know how it went!  
Thankyou again for reading, oh faithful subjects, and I hope to see you at my next story!  
Oh, and as a final plea, please go read some stories by WingedWolf, Mercedes and Neko-Chan - they're my major sources of inspiration and amazing writers, so please go look, it'll be worthwhile!  
And thankyou once again all! Ja mata ne! ^_^ 


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